October 2012
As most of you have probably realized by now, Tammy and I are both Orthopaedic Surgeons. We first met some time during Orthopaedic Surgery residency interviews in late 2012 or early 2013. Tammy was a 4th year medical student at University of Rochester and I was a 4th year medical student at Howard University. We may have seen each other before along the interview season (Probably October 2012), but I think we were formally introduced during my last residency interview in February 2013 at Howard University. When we met, it was a brief, superficial introduction since we were both competing for a coveted residency position and had to try our best to remain professional and not let our goofiness out. Neither of us had the "love at first sight" feeling when we met. Tammy eventually went on to match at Yale for her ortho residency and I matched at Howard. We may have communicated a few times in group emails, but we really went our separate ways until 5 years later...
In April 2018, after an intense day of reviewing and studying for Part 1 of our Orthopaedic Board Certification exam at a review course in Chicago, a group of us met up for drinks and food that evening. Tammy and I immediately hit if off after we were introduced again. We were by each others sides for hours and we talked for most of the evening. We didn't realize that most of our friends had left and the few remaining were watching our chemistry brew and gossiping from a distance. We exchanged numbers at this point and planned to keep in contact. Tammy was going to complete a hand fellowship at UPENN in Philly and I was going to complete a Hip & Knee Replacement fellowship in Ohio. Since Philly was basically home for me, I knew we'd still see each other over the year. We studied and took our board exam together in Philly that summer, and both eventually passed. Funny story...during the day of the board exam, there was a sign that said talking to other examinees during the bathroom breaks was prohibited--of course Tammy didn't see the signs and she tried talking to me so I ignored her when she spoke--After the test was over, she said I was rude but retracted the insult when I told her about the signs...
Over the course of the year, she met my family and close friends and everybody liked her. I invited her over to my family home for Thanksgiving that year since she was on call and couldn't be with her family. Afterwards, my dad asked me if something was brewing between the two of us. I denied it and said we were just friends and likely going to be in two different places after fellowship. We were both actually stubborn and prevented our love from blossoming sooner.
October 2019
After a heart-to-heart with my bother during his bachelor party of all places, is when I came to the realization that I was making a mistake by not making Tammy more of a priority in my life. A few days before my brother's wedding, I asked her if she'd come as my date, and she agreed to come. I told her I would try to be better to her. A month later in October 2019, I asked her to be my girlfriend and the rest is history. Just 3 months later, I texted one of her close friends to try and get her engagement ring sizes and preferences. We grew deeper in love over the year despite the distance and despite Covid-19. I thought I would be proposing at Grenada Carnival in August 2020 or during Afrochella in Ghana at the end of December, but the pandemic cancelled both events. As we realized that masks and social distancing were going to be our new normal for a while, we had to try and enjoy our lives as safely as possible.
October 2020
As soon as Hawaii lifted its mandatory two week quarantine, we planned to visit the island of Maui for our October 2020 vacation if we both tested negative for the virus. Tammy "planned" the vast majority of the romantic getaway and before we went I remember her telling me that we would fall in love again in Maui (little did she know what was about to happen there). By this time, I already had the ring of her dreams in my possession, and I knew I would be proposing during the trip. I reached out to the event planner at the hotel we would be staying at to help me with planning the proposal. I locked in a romantic treehouse dinner reservation and secured photography and videography as well. On the day prior to the event, I texted the planner and said we should have Tammy "make the dinner reservations" and that it comes with photography. Of course the only date available for dinner was the date I already reserved. Tammy was so excited and thought we got lucky that the only day available for the dinner was the day we coincidentally had no plans. She went to get her nails and makeup done for the pre-dinner photo shoot while I picked out and ironed her dress. We were all smiles during the shoot, but as we walked towards the treehouse and her favorite song "I Love You" was playing with the rose and petals waiting at the bottom of the treehouse, she finally realized that she didn't "plan" any of it. When, I got down on my knee and asked her to marry me, I think I heard a "yes" during the crying...
October 2021
October 2021, we're going to make it official with our family and close friends by our sides.
So I'm purposely not reading Kojo's version of "how we met" before I tell you the real story :). Kojo and I went to different medical schools and were both interested in orthopaedic surgery. We likely met briefly at a conference in the past, but I specifically remember meeting him at the Howard University Orthopaedic Surgery residency interview in February 2013. We both ended up at different residency programs, but I remember thinking of Kojo as the "Black Orthopaedic Surgery Guru". He kept a lot of the black ortho residents connected via email, sharing study guides, online books, etc. We weren't necessarily friends at that point but I was impressed with his selflessness, with the goal of helping his underrepresented cohort, including me, succeed.
Fast forward to 2018 when we reconnected at a board review course in Chicago. I can almost guarantee from this point on our stories will differ. At the board review course, Kojo planned a happy hour with the black residents. I remember going to the happy hour with my great friend and co-resident Shasta. I had a great time meeting people, reconnecting with people I haven't seen in a while, and sharing common stories. But my most notable memory from that night was my conversation with Kojo. We had so much to talk about, so much in common, and next thing I knew, I looked around and everyone else was gone--we had been talking for that long and literally nothing else around us registered at the time.
Being the strong independent woman I am (HA) I remember thinking "Kojo is cool--nice conversation, gotta pass these boards". I think he expressed interest and I was just not in the headspace to think anything of it. We reconnected again for another review course in Maine: asked each other questions and helped each other through difficult concepts. We were both really focused at this time.
His family lives right outside of Philly and I was in Philly for my hand surgery fellowship. I moved there months before the boards just to get settled, study and occasionally check in with friends and family. Kojo let me know that he would be just outside of Philly and that we should study together. I did see how well we worked together previously so I agreed. We studied together nearly every day for about 2 months, took the test together, and both passed! During the whole study period, Kojo introduced me to a bunch of his amazing friends, I met his family and we became very close as friends.
The moment Kojo left for fellowship in Ohio, I realized I was falling for him. Getting to meet his beautiful family, seeing how close they were (just like mine), connecting instantly with his friends, and realizing our core values were so similar. We got along very easily and I noticed our energy was amazing. We pushed each other to be our best selves without even realizing it.
Our friendship grew over the year of fellowship in different states. His family was close to me so he would visit frequently. There were ups and downs during fellowship year because we were both used to being independent, were both trying to get the most out of our fellowships, and in denial about our blossoming love.
I decided to accept a position in Atlanta and Kojo took a position in Fort Lauderdale. I think things changed at Little Kojo and Maya's wedding in 2019. It was a beautiful celebration of love--surrounded by family, friends, and just genuine happiness and support. Kojo told me that a specific comment his brother made during his vows really hit him hard. Little Kojo said [and I'm probably messing up his words but you get the point] "Thank you for never giving up on me/us". Somehow these words really resonated with Kojo. Also his Aunty Vivan told us we were both in love with each other and didn't know. She said it was very rare to find someone you click with and love so much--"don't mess this up". We had a chat during the wedding and literally have never looked back since. Now in 2021, we are ready and excited to start this next chapter as a team, and as two of God's children who love and believe in each other. My parents adore Kojo, and I love his family as well. We appreciate you all--we can't wait to celebrate our union with our friends and family! It really takes a village--we would not be where we are today without each and every one of you.
Love,
Tammy